24. He will cover you with His feathers...

On April 17th I was admitted to the ER for pregnancy complications and the diagnosis was unclear.  We found out I am RH negative but that it hadn't affected the baby and that my uterus is retroverted (flipped upside down) but again that shouldn't alter the pregnancy. The baby was measuring small and the doctor was concerned. We were scheduled to come back the next day. This was during Holy Week and my devotion on Thursday talked about Jesus pleading with God in the garden of Gethsemane, I was pleading as well for God to spare my little one but tried as Christ did to say "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:36)...I wasn't too successful in praying that prayer. I didn't care what God had planned, he couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't take my baby from me.

 

On the 18th we were informed that the baby may have stopped growing. They gave our little one a 50% chance of survival. I mourned the loss of our child that Friday (Good Friday) and somehow knew in my heart it was over. I painted that afternoon a small watercolor sketch from my first ultrasound picture.  The scripture surrounding it is the scripture that had been on our wall the month prior. "Behold, I am doing a NEW THING, now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and a river in the desert." Isaiah 43:19. The yellow circle is my uterus, the blue is the gestational sack, and the little white pure dot of life is our baby.

 

This painting was done from our first ultrasound picture at the Korean Good News Hospital. I love how they spelled my name "AE SYUL RI"

 

 

My understanding of Good Friday deepened  as I read in my devotional about God willingly giving his Son to die on the cross as I was pleading with God to keep my child. We read to our baby that night about heaven from the Jesus Storybook Bible and tried to cherish being parents for as long as we could. I had purchased that book for the families of our church in Tucson and had always awaited the day when I would get to read it to my own child.   We clung to each passing moment as if it was our last time as a family together...and it was. As Patrick says, it was the saddest day of his life,
and I agree.

 

 

 

Late on Resurrection Sunday I began to miscarry and found some comfort in thinking that my baby must have wanted to be awesome like Jesus and rise up to heaven on the same day.
 

On Wednesday, April 23rd, I was rushed to the ER by ambulance as I began to lose consciousness and was in excruciating pain. It was scary but I was glad to have Patrick there as well as my good friend Alex (who had come to walk Remy and got a lot more than she signed up for). The only highlights of this day were watching Patrick yell at the teenagers in our tower lobby to quite staring (we always want to yell at those teens and finally had a justified moment to do so) and the lovely lavender oil hand rub Alex gave me. Her Doula skills were a blessing. We lost the baby at the hospital  that Wednesday night, I was eight weeks pregnant.

 

On Friday, Aprill 25th I was admitted to the ER again. This time we got there before an ambulance ride was necessary but my pain level was escalating quickly. The doctors said my body underwent more trauma than is normal for a miscarriage and my gallbladder, stomach lining, and uterus were not responding well. They almost admitted me for emergency gallbladder removal surgery but decided to let me wait until the next day to consult with the surgeon at a more reasonable hour.
 It was 4 a.m. when we finally headed home.

 

The scripture on our wall during the  month of April (which I chose back in February) was
 "He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge." Psalm 91:4 

We are still holding onto that promise.

  

 

 

During this loss my respect for Patrick grew stronger than I knew it could! He is an incredible husband. He was in charge of planning and executing a three week trip for his squadron to the Philippines and he was scheduled to leave just two days after my 3rd ER visit. He made the choice to stay with me and grieve together.  He had worked on that trip for months and he knew it wouldn't go as well if he wasn't there to help work out the kinks.  I was so impressed with how he cared for me during those weeks and sacrificed his work.  I had some good days and some bad but he was right there with me for all of it.  He made the grieving process so much easier and it was really nice to have him around for Mother's Day.

 

We will continue to grieve the loss of our first baby and will forever wonder what they would have been like. We look forward to meeting them one day. We are grateful for the support we have received from flowers and meals to loving phone calls.

 

 

This is my new favorite spot for quiet time, my cozy rocking chair by the window. Loved reading here with my pretty flowers.

 

23. Expecting Joy

 

I had never really longed for pregnancy. There. I said it.

I want children, a whole house full of them, but the idea of pregnancy and all the pain and body changes that goes along with it just wasn't on my bucket list.  Adoption has been on my heart for as long as I can remember.  When people talked about the joy of pregnancy I didn't quite understand what all the fuss was about. But now, I get it.

There was something magical about knowing life was growing in me.  My body was a safe haven for a new little person that was part of both Patrick and I. I'm convinced it is the hormones that trick your brain in pregnancy to thinking it is awesome. I felt superhuman and it didn't matter that I needed to nap at least once a day to survive, had the bladder of a three year old, or  that my pants were

 a bit too tight.
 

I loved the way I was finally excepted into the mommy club as well.  We didn't tell many people because the pregnancy was so new but those who did know were quick to tell me about all the latest and greatest baby gadgets and parenting techniques. We now shared the common bond of motherhood and I felt closer to most of my girlfriends than I ever had before. I was no longer the girl with the broken body that couldn't fathom how difficult pregnancy and motherhood is...I was in.

Patrick and I felt closer than ever too. We loved to talk about our little one and imagine how our lives would be changing in the coming months.  I had talked about (freaked out about) not having our first child before my 30th birthday in March.  But this baby was conceived before then so I WAS a mom before I was 30. For some reason that was a stupid big deal. All the stress and pressure we had felt surrounding when our family would expand was gone.

The first three weeks of April our spirits was soaring high,  We were "expecting" joy. 

 

We had planned to put how far along I was in the frame. This was just a preliminary photo but one of the only ones I have to remember this sweet time.

 

Baby Chapman at 6 weeks, hard to see here.

The cherry blossom trees were also blooming all around our home. Everything was
alive and beautiful.

 

 

 

22. Visiting Good News Hospital

Only three days after we found out that we were expecting we had our scheduled meeting with Mrs. Lee at her brother's hospital, ironically called Good News Hospital. We hoped this place would bring us good news. The day before our meeting I was informed that she had actually set up two meetings for us.  One with her brother to talk about making an adoption connection and one with an infertility specialist.  We figured that meeting would get awkward real quick if they decided to do any testing and discovered I was pregnant.  We vowed to be forthright and honest throughout this whole process so we called Mrs. Lee to let her know our good news.  We told her that we are confident that the Lord has led us to adopt and we do not want to stop pursuing that option.  We also told her our fear of miscarriage because it had taken four  years to get pregnant.  I wasn't confident in those first days that the pregnancy would last.

Throughout our lunch and hospital visit Mrs. Lee avoided answering any questions about adoption.  She continued to celebrate our first biological child.  She gave me all of the Korean grandmotherly advice on how to protect myself and the baby.  Which included:

-Only wearing heels that are 2-5cm in height

-Not traveling more than 30 minutes from your home

-Having someone else care for your pet

-Not carrying your purse, that is what husbands are for

-Resting all day and taking many naps ( I like this bit of advice since that is all I felt like doing)

-Not wearing tight fitting clothing

-Drinking lots of water

So basically, I was to act like a spoiled/weak princess in every way possible.  Ironically, at the end of lunch she ordered a bottle of wine for us to toast with and encouraged me to drink it. Oh, Korean culture boggles my mind at times. Here's a picture of us at lunch:

 

Mrs. Lee, John the translator, and Patrick and I

We got a special treat while we were there, they decided to give me an ultrasound so we could see our little one for the first time. I'll spare you the details but the Koreans run their practice is how I imagine having babies in America in the 1940's must have been. Patrick wasn't aloud anywhere near me because he's a boy and that would be shameful. They let him come look at the ultrasound pictures after and I just love this first picture of Daddy and baby.

This is us at the hospital:

 

And these are the precious Korean babies that had just been born:

Mrs. Lee continued to push aside our questions about the adoption process and meeting with her brother.  When we met him he only spoke about the ultrasound picture. By the end of the day I was fed up with focusing on our biological child. Don't misunderstand, I was happy God had given us this life but we had also been working/praying for an adoption connection for many months and meeting her brother seemed like it might finally be happening. Why was she getting in the way of such an  amazing opportunity? A child that would otherwise go into the orphanage system could come and be loved for life in a family that desires them,  and in my eyes she was stopping that.  I asked our translator to ask her one more time about her brothers plan to help us adopt.

She bluntly told us that we should be grateful that God has given us a biological child because it is "better." She assured us that we would be able to "love this child more because they are our own."  I don't know that she could have said more hurtful words. I fought back the tears and rage.  I told her that our adopted child WILL be "our own."  We will love them just as we would a biological child, there is no difference in our hearts. She then went on to talk about how I need to take care of myself (be a spoiled princess) right now and having a second baby would just isn't physically possible.  My bones would literally break if I move within three months of childbirth so adoption just can't happen. We have learned since this meeting that twins don't occur frequently in Asian cultures and they really do put new mother's on bed rest for the first three months. If women can afford it or have any social status they stay at the hospital in a mother's area and the staff helps take care of their baby while they recover.  Sounds lovely to me!

So our biggest private adoption connection to date fell through but we tried to continue finding joy in our newest addition.  We didn't want to let this hiccup squelch our gratitude and joy for what we HAD been given. :)

 

21. Behold, I am doing New Things...

The opening of Mrs. Lee's brother's hospital, "Good News Hospital" (how fitting), was pushed back to April 1st, 2014  Patrick and I were thrilled to meet with a doctor that actually had/has connections with young mothers that are wanting/needing to give up their babies. We scheduled to meet him with Mrs. Lee and her friend/translator John on Friday, April 4th.

On Tuesday, April 1st, I was driving home from work and thinking about my parents birthdays (they are a day apart!).  I was looking forward to calling them and singing the cheesy but all too necessary Happy Birthday song.  I decided to stop in and grab a pregnancy test on my way home since that would be too good a birthday gift to not share.  I had been feeling a bit nauseous but I've been thinking I'm pregnant every month for the last four years so I knew it would be negative. My mom and I try to call each other every year at the exact time we were born.  I was born at 7:17 am and she was born at 7:15am.  It is always a lovely way to start a birthday! So, at 10:10pm South Korea time I freaked out and realized I hadn't taken the test yet and only had five minutes left before we needed to call.  I ran in the other room to check and the test turned up positive right away.  I didn't believe it, I had done this so many times before.  I walked to Patrick with a blank stare and handed him the test hoping he would show me how to appropriately act in this situation.  He smiled and said, "REALLY? Awesome!" I wish I could say I had warm fuzzy feelings but I was really just in shock.

 

Our first reaction faces:

 

 

 We grabbed the phone and called my mom as we were out of time now! We sang Happy Birthday dear Grandma and both cried.  This was a surreal moment.  I was beginning to take it in the same time my mom was.  She asked me when the due date was and I hadn't even had five minutes to figure that out.  She pulled out her calendar and we figured this would be a Thanksgiving baby.  What a little turkey sneaking into our lives and turning our world upside down!

We were then able to share with Patty, Patrick's mom and play a great April fools joke on her. We then got to call my Dad and Gina and sing Happy Birthday dear Grandpa! We were able to skype with Patrick's dad as well. It was a joyous time spreading the news one by one to our parents. We were nervous, we were shocked, but we were happy.

There is an 8x10 frame outside our front door that I rotate scripture art in each month. The scripture that welcomed me home each day in March was Isaiah 43:19 "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." 

 

 

 

and the three little blue birdies I had in our wreath. We became a family of three and didn't even know it!

 

 

 

When I look back at that scripture I am awestruck that God created a new life in me... within MY broken body! In a place that I had considered a desert, He set a river of life. And I certainly didn't perceive it!

20. Mrs. Lee

This last few months have been a whirlwind of emotion as we have seen doors open and close.  It may take me a few weeks to be able to process and put into a blog all that has gone on but here is a small update on the first events...

Our hearts were burdened more and more throughout the month of March for our adoptive child.  Patrick finished reading "The Waiting Child" and I had been focusing on preparing my mind and heart to welcome a child into our home soon.  We even accepted generous gifts from a friend and neighbor, a highchair and a glider.  The nice thing about living overseas is that people are very generous in passing on baby gear so I don't think we'll have to buy much.  Accepting these items solidified our calling to adopt and our pursuit to see it through. The glider is especially useful already, I love to go sit in our guestroom that will one day be a baby room and read or pray over child as I rock. Gliders are awesome, why did we wait until having a child to think we needed one? Everyone needs a glider. Having these items in our home now has made the process real. Before the thoughts of parenting were abstract and now I can picture (and even practice) where I will rock my baby to sleep.

On Sunday night in early March I received a phone call in broken English, "This is Mrs. Lee, you meet me at Blue Opera in 30 minutes.  I wait one hour. You bring translator, ok?"  Remember Mr. Joe's highschool literature teacher I spoke of in our last post? This was her.  She had read our letter and wanted to meet Patrick and I before introducing us to her brother who is a birthing doctor in the local area.   She also sent me a text in Korean and this is how it translated, "Untitled. I am a high school teacher's one trillion kinds of cases. Shalom heard that through the butterfly. My youngest sister is a gynecologist but sometimes parents have to be such a pity that matter. Hope to see you again, I want to meet did time to brighten today. I speak English wrong."

I was confused to say the least, but I tried my best to find a translator unsuccessfully and rushed to get ready and meet her downtown.  Patrick was at work prepping for his last upgrade ride to complete the IPUG so I felt bad disturbing him but figured I should at least tell him I am going to meet with this woman.  He wanted to go too and decided this was more important than another hour of prepping.  Can I just say, Patrick works so hard and is great at what he does! It meant a lot that he took the time to put growing our family first. We showed up the restaurant (which has a giant gargoyle facade and neon blue lights) and sat in a booth in the back with Mrs. Lee and her "American grandaughter"-  A teenage girl from the base that she mentors.  Explicit dirty rap music played in the background.  True to Korean form, the whole meeting atmosphere was "not quite right."

About thirty minutes into our introductions, Joe and Moonja showed up to be our translators! I had sent her an SOS text in case they were in the area and they dropped what they had planned to be there for us.  We are overwhelmingly grateful for their friendship and support.  We spent two hours talking about our lives and beliefs about adoption.  Mrs. Lee seemed impressed with us and excited to be a part of the journey.  She fluttered her hands up in the air slowly moving them toward me and said, " I know a baby is coming to you with angel wings."  I guess that is a common Korean phrase but it was entertaining and special to encounter.

Her brother (not sister as the text had said) is a well known OBGYN in the area and his hospital was in the process of switching to a new location.  The hospital was set to open around March 15-20th so we planned to go to the hospital at that time.  In the meantime we prepared for our friends, Luke and Candace Kollasch to visit from the states!  It was great to have friends here to talk all this through with and to share our life here in Korea.

19. Pediatrician

After a long week of waiting to hear from Mr. Joe and M we finally were able to speak with Mr. Joe at bible study last night.  He explained that there meeting with Pastor Jeon did not produce any direct contacts but rather was a rich time of brainstorming ways to make this adoption happen.  They merged their contacts and are spending this month reaching out to new avenues they might not have otherwise thought of.  They both believe this adoption is possible and are hopeful it will happen. 

One new idea they tried was posting our letter on a Korean app called BAND that is used for social networking.  You can read about the app here if you are curious like I was: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.nhn.android.band

Mr. Joe posted to his friends that this adoption would be a missed opportunity if it doesn't happen and something they would surely regret.  He asked for help with finding us a connection.  His highschool Korean literature teacher responded and shared that her brother is the Pediatrician (or OBGYN-not sure with translation issues) at Songtan Hospital.  Songtan is the tiny town right outside of the maingates of Osan Air Base where we live.  He requested a meeting with us and we agreed to meet as soon as possible.  Mr. Joe is setting up the meeting for this week or next.  Mr. Joe explained that this man has many connections with birth mothers and that this could be a good connection for us.  He also took a minute to grab our hands and remind us that this is all in God's sovereignty.  He is in control and we are not. 

A note about fundraising: 
We are quickly realizing how expensive this adoption will be. We are doing our best to save and be prepared but there is an immediate way you can help that will cost you nothing!  Share our URL to amazon.  If someone uses our URL instead of going directly to amazon.com we will receive 4% - 15% of the proceeds directly.  I know a lot of folks shop on amazon all the time so if you could encourage them to save this URL as a "favorite" and utilize it when they shop it will help us out big time. 
Here it is...

http:/tinyurl.com/k3vgdn2 /

...the URL doesn't say Amazon in it because that address would have been three lines long so I had it shortened to this one for free at tinyurl.com.  But trust me, it works!  :)

Please share it and use it yourself for your regular shopping! 

18. You Tube

Tonight we're watching YouTube videos and Ashley is crying joyful and hopeful tears. :)  The China special needs program looks like it would be way more practical for our family with travel expenses.  Traveling to Uganda could cost us a lot in flights alone....but those kids are precious and stir our hearts. These videos are other families adoption experiences:


About China Special Needs
http://youtu.be/Wlk7Oa3-joE

http://youtu.be/X7nlaigXvX8

About Uganda
http://youtu.be/jhCzEXUqzL8

17. Far More Abundantly

This week has been one big waiting game.  Last Thursday, M (I don't want to type the M**** anymore!) told me her and her husband Joe were going to meet with Pastor Jeon to discuss how he could help us find a birth mother.  Three of our best contacts in one place! We anxiously awaited their 3pm meeting.  That night I emailed M and her husband to see what had come of the meeting and got no response - which is unlike them.  Typically on Sunday nights we have bible study with them but it was cancelled this week so I wasn't scheduled to see M until work on Tuesday.

On Tuesday she asked me if we could talk later because she was very busy at work.  We often take our breaks together and discuss things so I figured a time would work out at some point in our day.  The day quickly came and went and she was in a meeting as I was leaving so no luck again.  I received an email tonight from her explaining that she has been very busy this week but that the meeting went very well.  Here is what she wrote:

I had a good time with the pastor on Sunday and we talked a lot. I will tell you through email about our meeting soon. I am so busy this vacation season. i work for 10- 11 hours a day. ^^

a lot of work , but in good condition.

Have I mentioned that I just love the way she writes! I assured her that we are very grateful for all of the effort her and Joe have put toward our adoption pursuit and that there is no rush.  We are constantly reminding ourselves that if this match happens it will be in God's timing and it is not something that we can force.  I came across this verse today in my bible reading and it is a comfort to me as we wait.

"Now to him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."  Ephesians 3:20-21

A bit more on this emotional rollercoaster...

We spoke with our adoption agency last week and told them that we are not yet confident about adopting from China.  We asked them if there is any other country that would be a good match for us.  We found out that our agency just started working with Uganda in January and that if we decide to pursue that option we'll be the second family on the list.  We would receive a referral in about 8 months and would go to pick up our child about two months after that.  Picking up the child is the hard part.  We would have to be in country for 2-6 weeks or make two shorter trips to Uganda.  After receiving our child we would have to go back to our state of residency (texas) and spend a few weeks to a few months to get our child's birth certificate and passport.  This would not be an easy adoption process but there is the potential for us to adopt an infant and the age of the child is our highest priority.  We are still unsure if Patrick is even allowed to travel to Uganda so we are looking into that as well.  Lots to figure out!

16. Give me one month?

For the past few months I have been volunteering at a group home for elementary aged children.  At first I thought it was an orphanage but the children go home at the end of the day.  It seems to be a place for kids whose parents can't afford to raise them but don't want to give them up.  My friend Betsy and I searched all over Songtan trying to find this place and were unsuccessful until a little old Korean lady (ajima) walked us to a narrow opening between two houses.  We thought it was pretty amazing that this place could be so close and yet so many people had no idea what we were talking about.  We were later told that some people just pretend to not know about it because they don't want to acknowledge it.

Each week we bring books/ games/ or snacks and give a one hour English lesson.  We usually have to bribe the children with chocolate to get them to participate (especially the boys).  They are particulary fond of the game hangman. Interesting side note: half of the children are African - Korean and since there really aren't any people of African decent living in Korea other than Airmen from the base we assume they had some involvement. I was telling a Korean friend about this place and she told me that racism is a big problem in Korea.  Just as in America it has taken many years of fighting for equality, the Koreans are just now encountering having different races in their country and have not yet embraced it.  These children will certainly be up against more challenges in their lifetime than their peers due to racism and poverty.

Ok, back to my story.  This past week I went to the group home alone because Betsy could not make it.  Each week I have brought my 'Letter to a Birth Mother' with me but not shared it because it just didn't feel right at the time.  I didn't want Pastor Jeon to think that was the only reason I was volunteering there.  I didn't want him to think  I was trying to take advantage of his time or connections.  This week felt different so I hesitantly showed him the letter at the end of class. 

He read the letter and proceeded to spend the next 45 minutes making phone calls and trying to understand the legality behind my request.  He did not understand why we couldn't just use an agency.  After time, he realized that American agencies will not work with us while we are living abroad and Korean agencies won't work with us because we are American.  At the end of his phone calls and questions he looked me in the eye and said, "OK, give me one month.  (pause)  Give me one month....to find." 

My heart and brain were instantly racing.  One month to find.... a baby?  Or one month to TRY and find?  One month to find out what I'm asking for?  ONE MONTH TO FIND WHAT???  

The next day I talked to M**** because I knew he had called her to clarify things but couldn't keep up with the Korean conversation they were having.  She said he was concerned about the legality but understands now and seemed to have some personal connections he was going to contact on our behalf.  I emailed Pastor Jeon the English and Korean versions of our letter just in case he wanted to show them to anyone electronically and so that he could read them in English in case something had gotten lost in translation. 

We haven't heard anything but I am so eager to go back next Wednesday and see if he has anything to share with me.  :)  I felt a little bit stronger leaving that day and a bit more hopeful as well.

15. Visit to the Baby Box

Back in November I posted about the amazing work Pastor Lee is doing at the Baby Box in Seoul.  If you don't know what I am talking about, watch this video: http://youtu.be/VwV9w5pd9go

I had the privilege of going to visit the baby box mid January.  I went with my friend and neighbor Kristy and her two kids. We were unsure of what to expect or what we would do once we got there so we told them we were bringing lunch and loaded up on donations to take with us.  We figured it had to go well if we were bringing clothes and food, right? ;)  As we approached the baby box, I thought there was no way it could be nearby.  It was on a steep hill and in a very unassuming part of town.  I had pictured it like a beacon on a hill but no, it was tucked back like a little haven and you wouldn't know it was there...unless you knew it was there.

    

 

The steps leading up the baby box are at the far left of this picture.

 

The steps where lives are changed.

 

 

The humble little box that has saved hundreds of lives.

 

When we arrived we rang the doorbell and the front gate unlocked.  No one was there to greet us so we slowly made our way upstairs looking for someone.  We found three social workers with about 6-10 kids ranging in ages from 4-20.  All were handicapped, some more severe than others. We did our introductions and broke out the homemade tortilla soup.  It was a big hit and we all sat on the heated floors and enjoyed a meal together.  It was funny to see kids be kids as they fought over who had more and what color spoons they wanted.  Very soon after eating the social workers all left and we found ourselves alone with 6 kids for several hours.  Luckily, we had brought toys with us and we made up ways to entertain ourselves.  The two youngest girls loved playing, "leave the room and lock everyone in it."  Kristy and I kept looking at each other saying, "This would NEVER happen in the US."  Complete strangers being left alone with kids, and kids with severe special needs! We were equipped with only the love in our hearts and a few donated toys.  I had never been more grateful for donated toys!  They helped break down the barriers of communication.  We realized that the way we were helping was by giving the regular workers a break that they really needed.

 

We are now collecting more donations and hope to make our way back to the Baby Box soon.  Here are a few photos from our trip.

 

She didn't want to share her picture. ;)

Watching herself stick her tongue out on my camera provided a LOT of entertainment. There weren't any mirrors in this place so I don't think the kids get to see themselves often.

He was quite happy with a new hat, trucks, and his very own chair.

He didn't care that his hat was purple and girly because it was his.

 

This woman is a saint.

 

Before we left, I gave the main care worker our Letter to a Birth Mother just in case she happens to come across any birth mothers who are willing to consider that option.  She remembered me because M**** had sent our letter to them two months prior.  She gave me a handout of an interview she had done that had been translated into English.  The handout described how they often bring young mothers in and counsel them.  They seem to be doing more counseling these days of the young mothers and they are able to get most to register their babies which makes them eligible for adoption one day. :)

 

 

 

14. Home Study and Options

This weekend Patrick and I completed our Home Study visit.  The Home Study consisted of two days worth of training and interviews.  Our caseworker, Monica, was really nice and we had a lot in common with her so the process was more relaxed than we had anticipated.  Some of our interviews were completed while we made pizza together.

We have three options for adoption at this time.  The first is U.S. domestic adoption.  We have been placed on the list with Small World Adoption but they have made it clear that birthmothers almost never chose families who live overseas.  U.S. domestic adoption is also the most risky choice because 3 out of 4 birthmothers end up changing their mind after they have the baby.  They told us to expect to lose 3 of our matches before we actually come home with a child.  The nice part about this path is that you end up with an infant.  After all we learned this weekend about attachment issues, coming home with a child as young as possible is really important to us.

The second option is China Special Needs adoption.  Small World works directly with some orphanages in China and has access to a "kids with special needs" list that comes out every 6 weeks.  We were able to fill out a form siting which needs we were willing to take in.  That was the worst piece of paper I have ever had to fill out because A) you imagine your child having every possible disability and B) it is tough to turn a child away because you would never say no to the needs of a child you had biologically.    Most of these children have minor correctable special needs like a heart murmur, webbed feet, or even a food allergy.  Patrick is pretty excited about the possibility of having a child with webbed feet!  The plus sides to this program are that China is close geographically
(cheaper/easier flights), our agency has a good reputation with them, and the program has been stable for many years.  Once the paperwork is started families usually have their child home within a year.  However, it is rare/seemingly impossible to come home with an infant and the youngest we would be able to adopt would be a child around 2 years old. We are both undecided on whether to pursue this avenue so we are just continuing on with the paperwork and will need to make a decision about a month from now.

The third option is a private Korean adoption.  This option really would have to choose us rather than us seeking after it. As you know, we have a letter out to many social and political figures around Korea (we updated it an added pictures today).  This week the letter went out to a very popular band's blog page and next week our photo and letter will be put into a local paper.  Today, we went to the U.S. embassy in Seoul to talk face to face with someone in the Citizen Services department.  With all the technology out there it is amazing how much more information you can get from just talking face to face with someone! We are fairly confident that we can find a Korean lawyer and judge to sign off on a adoption on the Korean side but we weren't sure how we would get U.S. citizenship for a child.  Currently, the law states that you must have the child residing in your home for 2 years before you can apply for citizenship.  Since we only have 1.5 years left in country that poses a big problem.  We found out today two bits of good news:
1. Although Korea is set to join the Hague Convention(banning private adoption) in July of 2014 they will have about a 2 year transition period before the law will be enforced so we have more time to complete an adoption than we thought!
2. There is a special "humanitarian parole" you can file for to get your child into the U.S. but it is a case by case basis and there is no guarantee that we would be granted one.  The man we spoke with at the embassy gave us his direct email address and will be sending us the list of credentials used to grant humanitarian parole.  We are praying there is some sort of military clause in there. 

Side note about the trip to the Embassy- our appointment was made to let us into the wrong side of the embassy and we were told "too bad, make another appointment and come back." We were a bit defeated but a few phone calls later we talked to a very helpful lady that got us cleared to come in and speak with Citizen Services.  The Embassy is heavily guarded so it was pretty special that we were able to get in and didn't have to make another trip to Seoul.

We are both excited to see the ball rolling and are requesting your prayers as we seek some guidance in what type of adoption to pursue for our family.  There is more involved than we ever anticipated but we are hopeful.

13. Small World Application

Since our last post a few things have happened.

Ashley met with Pastor Nelson Chapman to gain insight on private/independent Korean adoptions.  He seemed to know the same info we do and is currently in the process of finalizing two adoptions himself.  He is a great support and we will stay in contact as our own process progresses.

We now know that in order for a private adoption to be legal it has to follow three separate areas of law.  It must fulfill Korean Law, U.S. Federal Law, and Texas State Law (since that is where we hold our residency).  The good news is that Texas state law basically defers to Federal Law so we only need to worry about two of the three.  We pursued finding an American adoption agency that would work with us and complete a home study.  A home study will navigate us through all of the various clearances we need to get (FBI, Child Abuse registry, and so on...) and is necessary to fulfill U.S. Federal Adoption Laws under the Hague Convention.

Last weekend we officially submitted an adoption application with Small World Adoption. http://smallworldadoption.com/

Today we received this email:

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Chapman,

 Thank you for your recent application to our Domestic program.  Upon review of your application, we have found it to be in accordance with the requirements of this program.  Congratulations!.... "

 

We'll spare you from the rest of the boring legalities, however, you may have noticed they said "domestic program."  That is because we are getting our home study through Small World in hopes of finding a match for private Korean adoption but we will be placed on their domestic list as well.  They told us that we look good on paper (to a birth mother) because we do not already have children and have sweet jobs (pilot/teacher). However, birth mothers almost never chose families who live overseas because that is a huge emotional leap.  And we completely understand not wanting to send a baby to Korea, we had our own reservations before we moved here and North Korea isn't the best neighbor.

 

So now we just have to wait patiently, hope and pray for a connection to be made, and complete piles of tedious paperwork. 

 

In other news, Ashley is beginning Hangul lessons (the written language of Korea) and it has started to snow on the ROK.  Watching snowfall from our 6th floor apartment is pretty spectacular!  Patrick recently returned home from a week long planning conference in the Philippines and has been flying a ton.  We are both tired, but life is good. :)  

 

 

12. The Letter is OUT!

I did not become a lawyer for a reason.

However, I am finding myself reading laws left and right in an attempt to protect ourselves and possibly our future child from a legal nightmare.  There are only two adoption agencies that I know of willing to work with us to do a home study and that is one of the many things we need to make a private adoption legal by U.S. standards. Tomorrow night, I have a Skype meeting with one of them, the director of Small World adoption.  http://smallworldadoption.com/  I am hoping that he can help clear up some of the legal jargon for me.

On Wednesday I have a meeting with Pastor Nelson Chapman of Songtan Central Baptist Church.  He and his wife are in the process of finalizing two independent Korean adoptions so he should have some good wisdom to share.

Now the even bigger news....

Tonight I saw M**** and her husband at bible study.  M**** gave me copies of our letter to a birth mother translated into Korean in a neat little folder.  She said she has been handing them out to all of her contacts but that these ones were for me.  (So excited....I now want to get one framed!) Mr. Joe then explained that he emailed our letter out to over 400 leaders around Korea.  Yes, you read that correctly, 400! So we may adopt a dozen kids now, LOL. He can see when someone has read his email so he is keeping tabs on who has seen it.  The largest church in the world is based in Seoul and the pastor of that church read our letter (the church has over 1 million members)! Check it out here http://english.fgtv.com/

 

I asked Mr. Joe how he thinks the Korean community will react to our letter.  He said that when they read it they will recognize a beautiful mind.  How precious is that?  Thanks Mr. Joe.

So when I titled this post "The Letter is OUT!"... I meant it.  We have no idea how far it has spread or to whom it has reached but it is exciting to think that a future baby Chapman could be a little closer than we realize. We are trying to praise God in all of these little (and BIG) connections that are hopefully going to grow our family.

Thanks for following our journey,
Ashley (and Patrick)

11. Confusion

I titled this post "confusion" because that is what this week has been.  It would be impossible for me to detail all the information that we have come across this week but here's a basic run down.  (We'll start with the good news.)

Our letter to a birth mother was shared with over 100 local businessmen/pastors today!  We are thrilled and hope this will lead us to a connection soon.

I came in contact with a woman who has been trying to complete a private adoption here in Korea for about a year.  She knows the ins and outs of the system far better than we do.  She told me (bluntly-might I add) that there is no way we can adopt from Korea privately because we are simply "out of time."  So...hours of research later...she may be right but she may not.

South Korea is scheduled to join the Hague convention on July 14th of 2014.  This is a good thing because it protects children from human trafficking.  The down side is that Korea really doesn't have it's act together as far as the adoption process goes.  The process has gotten much worse over the last ten years.  The country has more babies than it can handle, prides itself on taking care of it's own (rejecting help), and is limiting international adoptions (again, out of pride). 

After July, private adoptions will be illegal and an agency must be used.

So, you would think we have until July to find a match, right?  According to this lady, all adoption paperwork must be completed 190 days prior to the Hague convention going into effect (Feb 14, 2014).  In order for the paperwork to be complete you need several (and I am using that term lightly) documents including FBI background checks (6 weeks for completion), child abuse background checks (6 weeks for completion), and a home study (2-6 months for completion).  We have to comply with all U.S. Federal Laws, Texas State Laws, and South Korean Laws.

From my research, I cannot find anything saying all of this needs to be completed 190 days out.  However, we are getting fingerprinted tomorrow and have contacted several agencies asking for rush home studies. 

This is definitely an all or nothing season for us.  We are working really hard in obedience to what we feel called to do not knowing if anything will come of it.  It is exhausting but at least we will know at the end that we did our best regardless of the outcome.  Please keep all of this in your prayers!

10. Baby Box Closed

Remember the Baby Box video?  I know several of you wept over those babies just as I did.  You can read below about the closure of the Baby Box.  I have emailed this information to M**** in hopes that she can get Pastor Jeong our letter. In a previous post I mentioned that M**** told me "sometimes he meets the mothers."  We don't know if anything will come of this but it breaks our hearts to know that the Box was receiving an average of 18 babies per month and has been shut down this week.  Where will those babies go? No one knows what will happen to the Baby Box just yet or if they will relocate but we will do our best to support the organization in whatever decision they make.   Welcome to MPAK

---

A Tragic Decision by the City of Seoul on Baby Box Posted: 27 Nov 2013 12:56 PM PST Below is the statement that came from Ms. Young Ran Jeong of the Jusarang Community Church, which houses the Baby Box. I ask for your prayers that God will reach out to the hearts of the government officials to protect the lives of the innocent babies. I love many things about Korea, but certainly this is not one of them. ---------------------- Here is Ms. Young Ran Jeong's message: This morning we received a call from the person in charge of the Baby Box at the Kwanak-Ku office.  I was told that the city of Seoul and the Seoul Metropolitan Children’s Welfare Center (서울시아동복지센터) and the Seoul City Children’s Hospital (서울시립어린이병원) had a discussion and they have decided they will no longer accept the babies abandoned through the Baby Box. They have concluded that other than in emergency situations, they cannot accept additional babies as there is no spaces available in the institutions in the Seoul areas.  They told the Jusarang Church (where the Baby Box is) that it would be up to them to take care of the abandoned babies from now on.  The city was scheduled to come on Thursday to pick up the children, but they will not do that now.  They also stated that the best solution is for them to move to another area region other than Seoul.  The other regions have enough rooms to accommodate the children, so it would be good for the Baby Box to move there.  I asked whether it would be possible for the city of Seoul to contact the regional areas and arrange to have the children be transported to those regions.  But their excuse was that this would not be possible without changing the administrative related laws. I also asked the city employee to help the Jusarang to host a children’s center, but was told that if the condition was ideal for Jusarang this would be no problem (stipulation that Jusarang does not qualify under the current facility regulation as they are not legally approved to take care of children as the facility is too small).     They were clearly aware of our limitations, and I could not believe the city was telling me these things. The room at our facility for the newborn babies barely can hold seven babies…and what are we suppose to do for all the children that continue to come to our care…and we can’t even help with the birth registration matters. I think the bottom line message from Seoul is that they want us to close the Baby Box.  Because there have been lots of pressures in the past to close the Baby Box, now the government is using this devious scheme to shut us down.   Why can’t they understand that closing the Baby Box is not the solution? Outside the weather is very cold, and how can they think in this way when just a few days ago there was another news article where a baby was discovered abandoned somewhere and the baby was in a critical condition!!!! We are at a loss as to what to do as they didn’t even give us how much time we have, but they just dropped the news on us.   We can only pray. I ask for your prayers that this sticky situation will be resolved soon. ----------------- Young Ran Jeong's message in original 오늘 이른 아침 관악구청 베이비박스 담당직원으로부터 전화한통을 받았습니다. 서울시와 서울시아동복지센터와 서울시립어린이병원과 이야기를 나누었는데 더이상 베이비박스에 들어온 아기들을 받을 수 없다는 것입니다. 정말로 긴급히 병원에 가서 꼭 치료를 받아야 하는 아기를 제외하고는 더이상 받아 줄 시설이 서울에는 없다는 것입니다. 이제부터는 주사랑공동체에서 알아서 하라고 하더군요. 낼 목요일이 정기적으로 아기를 데리러 오는 날인데 낼부터 아기를 데리러 올 수 없답니다. 가장 좋은 방법은 빨리 지방으로 이사를 가는 것이랍니다. 지방 시설에는 자리가 많이 나기때문에 그쪽으로 베이비박스가 가면 괜찮다는 것입니다.   그렇다면 현재 베이비박스에 보호되는 아기들을 서울시와 연계해서 지방으로 보내면 되지 않겠느냐고 했더니 행정절...차상 법을 다시 바꿔야 해서 안된다는 것입니다. 그럼 우리가 일시보호소를 운영할 수 있게 해 달라고 하니 조건만 갖추어준다면 얼마든지 할 수 있다는 겁니다. 주사랑공동체 열악한 환경을 뻔히 알면서 어떻게 이런 말이 나올 수 있는지...신생아실로 쓰고 있는 믿음방은 신생아가 7명만 누워있어도 어른들 자리가 없는데 앞으로 베이비박스에 보호되는 아기들을 어떻게 해야 할지...그렇다고 출생신고를 할 수 있게 해 주는 것도 아닌데 말이죠..  결국은 베이비박스 문 닫으라는 소리나 다름없는 거죠. 베이비박스 폐쇄압박이 직접적으로 먹히지 않으니 이렇게 우회적으로 돌려 이야기는 하는 정부의 형태가 참으로 어이가 없고 기가막힐 따름입니다. 이제는 베이비박스 문을 닫는다고 해서 해결될 일이 아니라는 것을 왜 모를까요? 날씨는 점점 추워지고 있고 며칠전에도 바깥에서 버려져 아기의 생명이 위험해진 기사를 봤을텐데도 이런 생각이라니!!!! 언제까지 기한이 정해진 것도 아니고 어떻게 해야 할지 참 막막합니다. 현재로써는 기도할 뿐입니다.  이 문제가 원만히 잘 해결 될 수 있기를 간절히 기도해 주세요.

9. Happy Thanksgiving

On Sunday nights Patrick and I attend a couples bible study.  This last week, M**** and her husband, Joe, happened to come because they know the couple who hosts.  It was a pleasant surprise and we hope they come again!  It was great to hear about the Korean perspective on marriage.  Joe is a city planner and he told us all about his job and why/how he has so many connections in our city.  This man has one big job to do!

On Monday, November 25th I gave our letter to M**** and asked her to review it.  I asked her to make sure it was culturally polite and for any other feedback she may have.  I received this email back from her on Thanksgiving.  We don't quite understand the letter but I did ask a Korean friend what the newspaper was that she mentioned and it is not a large newspaper like you may think.  It is a small newspaper siting good happenings in the area.  I guess they think we are a "good happening!" This year we are grateful for doors being opened and unexpected relationships here in Korea.


Hi, Ashley

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

I read your letter and it was good culturally and emotionally and politely.

I translated your letter (politely and naturally and emotionally ) and sent it to my husband.  He said it was good and he as a generall director of Shalom Nabi NGO suggested that he will email it to a lot of members including pastors of big churches conected to the organization and let it advertised on the local newspapers that has christian view points and is popular. He says his organization will help you actively with a lot of ways with the letter.

 

I will add you the translation below even though i don't think your computer can show you korean letters.

Can you send me your English letter by e maill?

 

blessings,

M****

 

 

아기 어머니께, 

 

      안녕하세요? 저희는 패트릭(Patrick James Chapman, 남편) 과 애쉴리 (Ashley Lara Chapman, 부인) 라고 합니다. 당신의 소중한 아기를 저희의 사랑스런 자녀로 키우고 싶은 간절한 소망을

전달하고 싶어 이 편지를 씁니다.  

 

     저희는 많은 엄마들이 자녀들에 대해 힘든 결정을 해야 할 때가 있음을 잘 알고 있습니다. 자녀를 사랑하고 키우고 싶지만, 어쩔수 없는 이유들로 아이를 키울 수 없는 상황이 있음을 잘 이해하고 있습니다. 그런 상황에 처한 엄마들이 자신의 아이가 화목하고, 안전하며, 하나님을 사랑하는 좋은 가정에서 양육되기를 바라시는 하나의 방법으로 저희를 깊이 생각해 주시길 소망합니다.  

 

      먼저, 저희에 관해 소개합니다. 저희부부는 미국인이며, 현재 평택에 살고 있습니다. 현재 31세로 결혼한지 6년이 되었습니다. 남편은 4남 3녀의 형제가 있으며, 미국 콜로라도 출신입니다. 공과대학을 나왔고, 경영대학원 석사를 마쳤으며, 7년간 공군파일럿으로 근무하고 있습니다. 부인은 미국 캘리포니아 출신으로 4명의 남자형제가 있습니다. 교육대학을 나왔으며, 7년간 초등교사, 영어교사, 교회에서 어린이 사역 책임자로 일해 왔습니다. 아이들과 아주 잘 지낼 수 있는 작은 귀여운 강아지도 있습니다. 저희는 항상 부모가 되기를 바래왔고, 단란하고 화목하고 안정적인 가정을 이루어왔으며, 마음 깊이 아이를 키울 준비가 되었음을 느낍니다.  

 

     저희 집의 환경 또한 아이를 맞이할 준비가 되어있습니다. 3개방과 2개의 욕실이 있는 아파트에 살고 있으며 병원도 바로 길 건너에 있습니다. 또래 어린아이들과 같이 어울리며 삶을 나눌 수 있는 공동체와 친구들이 근처에 있습니다. 또한 저는 엄마로서 저희의 자녀를 잘 양육하기 위해 집에서 헌신할 것입니다.  

 

     저희는 모든 엄마들이 자녀의 복지에 대해 걱정하실 거라는 걸 압니다. 앞으로의 부모가 될 사람으로서, 몇가지 약속을 드릴 수 있습니다. 부모로서 이 아이를 우리자신이 나은 자녀처럼, 또 하나님이 우리를 사랑하신 것 처럼 그런 무조건적인 사랑으로 사랑할 것입니다. 또 우리자녀에게 하나님을 알게하고 삶속에서 하나님을 신뢰하며 살도록 가르칠 것입니다. 아이의 타고난 민족적 문화적인 유산을 존중할 것임은 물론, 친부모님이 자녀에게 바라는 어떤 희망사항도 존중할 것입니다. 마지막으로, 우리자녀에게 장차 좋은 교육도 제공할 것이고 여행기회도 줄것이며 그래서 성인으로 자라감에 따라 관심있어 하는 것은 무엇이든지 추구할 수 있는 기회를 제공하려고 노력할 것입니다.  

 

     저희는 개인적인 민간차원의 자녀 입양을 바라고 있습니다. 이 입양 방법이 저희가 아이를 신생아 때부터 키울 수 있는 방법이라고 알고 있기 때문입니다. 만약 우리가 공공기관을 통한다면, 아이가 태어난지 6개월 이후가 되어야 입양 절차를 시작 할 수 있으며, 법적 절차상 18개월에서 2년 정도의 시간을 더 기다려야 합니다. 저희는 아이의 삶에서 이 초기의 시간들이 아이들의 발달과 성공에 중요한 역할을 한다고 믿습니다. 당신의 아기에 관련해서 저희와 만나기를 원하시면, 꼭 연락 부탁드립니다. 의사소통을 도와줄 친절한 한국인 친구에게 연락주셔도 감사하겠습니다.  

 

패트릭과 애쉴리

8. Mr. Lim

This weekend our friends (We'll call them the L's) who are also looking to privately adopt got a call from the famous tailor in town, Mr. Lim.  Mr. Lim is well known in the community for making party suits and dresses and works very closely with the base.  Anyone who has been to Osan AB in the last ten years has probably had something made by Mr. Lim! 

He said that he has two adoption contacts.  One is a birthmother with a two and four year old and the other mother has a three month old.  The mothers are very young and in no position to continue raising their children.  The L's don't know which children would fit their family best and would like to meet the families first.  Since they know we are interested as well, they are keeping us informed and this is also a potential lead for us. We don't want to bring two children into our home at this time but we think a three month old would fit perfectly.

We have a feeling that this is sort of the way the private adoption world works.  One day you are a family of two and the next day you get a call that rocks your world.  We are trying, as best we can, to prepare ourselves for what may come.  We know that we have an amazing support group (YOU) and that everyone would jump right on board if we "get the call." 

7. A Hiccup in the Road

As I began to write the first post on this blog I looked up some private adoption facts to make sure I shared the correct information with you all.  When I typed "private adoption korea" into google, the following link popped up, please read:

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2013-03-05/news/ct-met-korea-adoption-baby-20130305_1_christopher-duquet-sehwa-private-adoption

As you can imagine, the thought of this happening to our family and our child is terrifying.  I have started to research more information about private adoption to make sure we follow the correct legal procedures.  We also need to finish our adoption letter with the legal information for a future birth mom. 

I came across a really cool organization in my research.  www.mpak.com
Here is MPAK's mission:
As a Nonprofit 501 (c)(3) organization, MPAK's mission is to promote adoption in Korea, and to bring about positive changes to the Korean adoption culture and to advocate the needs of homeless children to have homes of their own. MPAK was established in April 1999 in the US by Steve Morrison, an adoptee who has lived in an orphange in Korea for eight years before being adopted at age 14 by the Morrison family in the US. MPAK was expanded to Korea in November 1999. Currently there are 28 regional MPAK support groups spread throughout Korea, and five in the US (LA, Valley, OC, NY/NJ, San Diego). We also have many families that live elsewhere but are part of MPAK, and we welcome all the adoptive families that wish to be a part of this blog.

I contacted MPAK and asked them to assist us with where to turn for more information on legal advice.  Hoping to hear back soon! Here is a link to Stephen's blog:

http://mpakusa.blogspot.kr/

Another MPAK connection:
When Martha James came to visit we were randomly asked to be in a Korean documentary about foreign backpackers.  We happened to be wearing backpacks when we were approached since we had a big day of travel ahead of us.  We told them that we weren't really backpackers but I think the combination of our willingness to participate, the fact that we are American and technically had backpacks, and Martha's beautiful red hair won them over.  We traveled to Seoul the following week to spend two days exploring while being followed by three Korean film students with cameras.  We became good friends with Nina, Oliver, and Morning Star over those two days.  At one point during the filming Morning Star began to ask me if I have kids or want kids.  I told her we haven't be blessed with children yet and are considering Korean private adoption.  She shared with me information about an upcoming Korean Adoption Event.  Turns out it was a MPAK event!

Patrick and I attempted to attend that event the same weekend we were in Seoul for the marriage conference but ended up at the wrong train station.  Gumcheon station is not to be confused with Gumchon station! We were an hour and a half train ride from where we were supposed to be.   However, it was nice to at least be in it together. That was the same weekend that we began writing our letter to a future birth mom and I think missing the conference gave us a little more amunition to make the weekend "worth it" by preparing our letter.  While Patrick and I were in the car making notes about what would be in our letter, an ad came on the radio for military legal assistance.  The advertisement said that they are able to help with adoption! We will be looking into what sort of legal assistance we can get through the military channels.  Why didn't we think of free military legal assistance sooner?