23. Expecting Joy

 

I had never really longed for pregnancy. There. I said it.

I want children, a whole house full of them, but the idea of pregnancy and all the pain and body changes that goes along with it just wasn't on my bucket list.  Adoption has been on my heart for as long as I can remember.  When people talked about the joy of pregnancy I didn't quite understand what all the fuss was about. But now, I get it.

There was something magical about knowing life was growing in me.  My body was a safe haven for a new little person that was part of both Patrick and I. I'm convinced it is the hormones that trick your brain in pregnancy to thinking it is awesome. I felt superhuman and it didn't matter that I needed to nap at least once a day to survive, had the bladder of a three year old, or  that my pants were

 a bit too tight.
 

I loved the way I was finally excepted into the mommy club as well.  We didn't tell many people because the pregnancy was so new but those who did know were quick to tell me about all the latest and greatest baby gadgets and parenting techniques. We now shared the common bond of motherhood and I felt closer to most of my girlfriends than I ever had before. I was no longer the girl with the broken body that couldn't fathom how difficult pregnancy and motherhood is...I was in.

Patrick and I felt closer than ever too. We loved to talk about our little one and imagine how our lives would be changing in the coming months.  I had talked about (freaked out about) not having our first child before my 30th birthday in March.  But this baby was conceived before then so I WAS a mom before I was 30. For some reason that was a stupid big deal. All the stress and pressure we had felt surrounding when our family would expand was gone.

The first three weeks of April our spirits was soaring high,  We were "expecting" joy. 

 

We had planned to put how far along I was in the frame. This was just a preliminary photo but one of the only ones I have to remember this sweet time.

 

Baby Chapman at 6 weeks, hard to see here.

The cherry blossom trees were also blooming all around our home. Everything was
alive and beautiful.