Only three days after we found out that we were expecting we had our scheduled meeting with Mrs. Lee at her brother's hospital, ironically called Good News Hospital. We hoped this place would bring us good news. The day before our meeting I was informed that she had actually set up two meetings for us. One with her brother to talk about making an adoption connection and one with an infertility specialist. We figured that meeting would get awkward real quick if they decided to do any testing and discovered I was pregnant. We vowed to be forthright and honest throughout this whole process so we called Mrs. Lee to let her know our good news. We told her that we are confident that the Lord has led us to adopt and we do not want to stop pursuing that option. We also told her our fear of miscarriage because it had taken four years to get pregnant. I wasn't confident in those first days that the pregnancy would last.
Throughout our lunch and hospital visit Mrs. Lee avoided answering any questions about adoption. She continued to celebrate our first biological child. She gave me all of the Korean grandmotherly advice on how to protect myself and the baby. Which included:
-Only wearing heels that are 2-5cm in height
-Not traveling more than 30 minutes from your home
-Having someone else care for your pet
-Not carrying your purse, that is what husbands are for
-Resting all day and taking many naps ( I like this bit of advice since that is all I felt like doing)
-Not wearing tight fitting clothing
-Drinking lots of water
So basically, I was to act like a spoiled/weak princess in every way possible. Ironically, at the end of lunch she ordered a bottle of wine for us to toast with and encouraged me to drink it. Oh, Korean culture boggles my mind at times. Here's a picture of us at lunch:
Mrs. Lee, John the translator, and Patrick and I
We got a special treat while we were there, they decided to give me an ultrasound so we could see our little one for the first time. I'll spare you the details but the Koreans run their practice is how I imagine having babies in America in the 1940's must have been. Patrick wasn't aloud anywhere near me because he's a boy and that would be shameful. They let him come look at the ultrasound pictures after and I just love this first picture of Daddy and baby.
This is us at the hospital:
And these are the precious Korean babies that had just been born:
Mrs. Lee continued to push aside our questions about the adoption process and meeting with her brother. When we met him he only spoke about the ultrasound picture. By the end of the day I was fed up with focusing on our biological child. Don't misunderstand, I was happy God had given us this life but we had also been working/praying for an adoption connection for many months and meeting her brother seemed like it might finally be happening. Why was she getting in the way of such an amazing opportunity? A child that would otherwise go into the orphanage system could come and be loved for life in a family that desires them, and in my eyes she was stopping that. I asked our translator to ask her one more time about her brothers plan to help us adopt.
She bluntly told us that we should be grateful that God has given us a biological child because it is "better." She assured us that we would be able to "love this child more because they are our own." I don't know that she could have said more hurtful words. I fought back the tears and rage. I told her that our adopted child WILL be "our own." We will love them just as we would a biological child, there is no difference in our hearts. She then went on to talk about how I need to take care of myself (be a spoiled princess) right now and having a second baby would just isn't physically possible. My bones would literally break if I move within three months of childbirth so adoption just can't happen. We have learned since this meeting that twins don't occur frequently in Asian cultures and they really do put new mother's on bed rest for the first three months. If women can afford it or have any social status they stay at the hospital in a mother's area and the staff helps take care of their baby while they recover. Sounds lovely to me!
So our biggest private adoption connection to date fell through but we tried to continue finding joy in our newest addition. We didn't want to let this hiccup squelch our gratitude and joy for what we HAD been given. :)
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