This last few months have been a whirlwind of emotion as we have seen doors open and close. It may take me a few weeks to be able to process and put into a blog all that has gone on but here is a small update on the first events...
Our hearts were burdened more and more throughout the month of March for our adoptive child. Patrick finished reading "The Waiting Child" and I had been focusing on preparing my mind and heart to welcome a child into our home soon. We even accepted generous gifts from a friend and neighbor, a highchair and a glider. The nice thing about living overseas is that people are very generous in passing on baby gear so I don't think we'll have to buy much. Accepting these items solidified our calling to adopt and our pursuit to see it through. The glider is especially useful already, I love to go sit in our guestroom that will one day be a baby room and read or pray over child as I rock. Gliders are awesome, why did we wait until having a child to think we needed one? Everyone needs a glider. Having these items in our home now has made the process real. Before the thoughts of parenting were abstract and now I can picture (and even practice) where I will rock my baby to sleep.
On Sunday night in early March I received a phone call in broken English, "This is Mrs. Lee, you meet me at Blue Opera in 30 minutes. I wait one hour. You bring translator, ok?" Remember Mr. Joe's highschool literature teacher I spoke of in our last post? This was her. She had read our letter and wanted to meet Patrick and I before introducing us to her brother who is a birthing doctor in the local area. She also sent me a text in Korean and this is how it translated, "Untitled. I am a high school teacher's one trillion kinds of cases. Shalom heard that through the butterfly. My youngest sister is a gynecologist but sometimes parents have to be such a pity that matter. Hope to see you again, I want to meet did time to brighten today. I speak English wrong."
I was confused to say the least, but I tried my best to find a translator unsuccessfully and rushed to get ready and meet her downtown. Patrick was at work prepping for his last upgrade ride to complete the IPUG so I felt bad disturbing him but figured I should at least tell him I am going to meet with this woman. He wanted to go too and decided this was more important than another hour of prepping. Can I just say, Patrick works so hard and is great at what he does! It meant a lot that he took the time to put growing our family first. We showed up the restaurant (which has a giant gargoyle facade and neon blue lights) and sat in a booth in the back with Mrs. Lee and her "American grandaughter"- A teenage girl from the base that she mentors. Explicit dirty rap music played in the background. True to Korean form, the whole meeting atmosphere was "not quite right."
About thirty minutes into our introductions, Joe and Moonja showed up to be our translators! I had sent her an SOS text in case they were in the area and they dropped what they had planned to be there for us. We are overwhelmingly grateful for their friendship and support. We spent two hours talking about our lives and beliefs about adoption. Mrs. Lee seemed impressed with us and excited to be a part of the journey. She fluttered her hands up in the air slowly moving them toward me and said, " I know a baby is coming to you with angel wings." I guess that is a common Korean phrase but it was entertaining and special to encounter.
Her brother (not sister as the text had said) is a well known OBGYN in the area and his hospital was in the process of switching to a new location. The hospital was set to open around March 15-20th so we planned to go to the hospital at that time. In the meantime we prepared for our friends, Luke and Candace Kollasch to visit from the states! It was great to have friends here to talk all this through with and to share our life here in Korea.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
19. Pediatrician
After a long week of waiting to hear from Mr. Joe and M we finally were able to speak with Mr. Joe at bible study last night. He explained that there meeting with Pastor Jeon did not produce any direct contacts but rather was a rich time of brainstorming ways to make this adoption happen. They merged their contacts and are spending this month reaching out to new avenues they might not have otherwise thought of. They both believe this adoption is possible and are hopeful it will happen.
One new idea they tried was posting our letter on a Korean app called BAND that is used for social networking. You can read about the app here if you are curious like I was: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.nhn.android.band
Mr. Joe posted to his friends that this adoption would be a missed opportunity if it doesn't happen and something they would surely regret. He asked for help with finding us a connection. His highschool Korean literature teacher responded and shared that her brother is the Pediatrician (or OBGYN-not sure with translation issues) at Songtan Hospital. Songtan is the tiny town right outside of the maingates of Osan Air Base where we live. He requested a meeting with us and we agreed to meet as soon as possible. Mr. Joe is setting up the meeting for this week or next. Mr. Joe explained that this man has many connections with birth mothers and that this could be a good connection for us. He also took a minute to grab our hands and remind us that this is all in God's sovereignty. He is in control and we are not.
A note about fundraising:
We are quickly realizing how expensive this adoption will be. We are doing our best to save and be prepared but there is an immediate way you can help that will cost you nothing! Share our URL to amazon. If someone uses our URL instead of going directly to amazon.com we will receive 4% - 15% of the proceeds directly. I know a lot of folks shop on amazon all the time so if you could encourage them to save this URL as a "favorite" and utilize it when they shop it will help us out big time.
Here it is...
http:/tinyurl.com/k3vgdn2 /
...the URL doesn't say Amazon in it because that address would have been three lines long so I had it shortened to this one for free at tinyurl.com. But trust me, it works! :)
Please share it and use it yourself for your regular shopping!
One new idea they tried was posting our letter on a Korean app called BAND that is used for social networking. You can read about the app here if you are curious like I was: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.nhn.android.band
Mr. Joe posted to his friends that this adoption would be a missed opportunity if it doesn't happen and something they would surely regret. He asked for help with finding us a connection. His highschool Korean literature teacher responded and shared that her brother is the Pediatrician (or OBGYN-not sure with translation issues) at Songtan Hospital. Songtan is the tiny town right outside of the maingates of Osan Air Base where we live. He requested a meeting with us and we agreed to meet as soon as possible. Mr. Joe is setting up the meeting for this week or next. Mr. Joe explained that this man has many connections with birth mothers and that this could be a good connection for us. He also took a minute to grab our hands and remind us that this is all in God's sovereignty. He is in control and we are not.
A note about fundraising:
We are quickly realizing how expensive this adoption will be. We are doing our best to save and be prepared but there is an immediate way you can help that will cost you nothing! Share our URL to amazon. If someone uses our URL instead of going directly to amazon.com we will receive 4% - 15% of the proceeds directly. I know a lot of folks shop on amazon all the time so if you could encourage them to save this URL as a "favorite" and utilize it when they shop it will help us out big time.
Here it is...
http:/tinyurl.com/k3vgdn2 /
...the URL doesn't say Amazon in it because that address would have been three lines long so I had it shortened to this one for free at tinyurl.com. But trust me, it works! :)
Please share it and use it yourself for your regular shopping!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
18. You Tube
Tonight we're watching YouTube videos and Ashley is crying joyful and hopeful tears. :) The China special needs program looks like it would be way more practical for our family with travel expenses. Traveling to Uganda could cost us a lot in flights alone....but those kids are precious and stir our hearts. These videos are other families adoption experiences:
About China Special Needs
http://youtu.be/Wlk7Oa3-joE
http://youtu.be/X7nlaigXvX8
About Uganda
http://youtu.be/jhCzEXUqzL8
About China Special Needs
http://youtu.be/Wlk7Oa3-joE
http://youtu.be/X7nlaigXvX8
About Uganda
http://youtu.be/jhCzEXUqzL8
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
17. Far More Abundantly
This week has been one big waiting game. Last Thursday, M (I don't want to type the M**** anymore!) told me her and her husband Joe were going to meet with Pastor Jeon to discuss how he could help us find a birth mother. Three of our best contacts in one place! We anxiously awaited their 3pm meeting. That night I emailed M and her husband to see what had come of the meeting and got no response - which is unlike them. Typically on Sunday nights we have bible study with them but it was cancelled this week so I wasn't scheduled to see M until work on Tuesday.
On Tuesday she asked me if we could talk later because she was very busy at work. We often take our breaks together and discuss things so I figured a time would work out at some point in our day. The day quickly came and went and she was in a meeting as I was leaving so no luck again. I received an email tonight from her explaining that she has been very busy this week but that the meeting went very well. Here is what she wrote:
Have I mentioned that I just love the way she writes! I assured her that we are very grateful for all of the effort her and Joe have put toward our adoption pursuit and that there is no rush. We are constantly reminding ourselves that if this match happens it will be in God's timing and it is not something that we can force. I came across this verse today in my bible reading and it is a comfort to me as we wait.
"Now to him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
A bit more on this emotional rollercoaster...
We spoke with our adoption agency last week and told them that we are not yet confident about adopting from China. We asked them if there is any other country that would be a good match for us. We found out that our agency just started working with Uganda in January and that if we decide to pursue that option we'll be the second family on the list. We would receive a referral in about 8 months and would go to pick up our child about two months after that. Picking up the child is the hard part. We would have to be in country for 2-6 weeks or make two shorter trips to Uganda. After receiving our child we would have to go back to our state of residency (texas) and spend a few weeks to a few months to get our child's birth certificate and passport. This would not be an easy adoption process but there is the potential for us to adopt an infant and the age of the child is our highest priority. We are still unsure if Patrick is even allowed to travel to Uganda so we are looking into that as well. Lots to figure out!
On Tuesday she asked me if we could talk later because she was very busy at work. We often take our breaks together and discuss things so I figured a time would work out at some point in our day. The day quickly came and went and she was in a meeting as I was leaving so no luck again. I received an email tonight from her explaining that she has been very busy this week but that the meeting went very well. Here is what she wrote:
I had a good time with the pastor on Sunday and we talked a lot. I will tell you through email about our meeting soon. I am so busy this vacation season. i work for 10- 11 hours a day. ^^
a lot of work , but in good condition.
Have I mentioned that I just love the way she writes! I assured her that we are very grateful for all of the effort her and Joe have put toward our adoption pursuit and that there is no rush. We are constantly reminding ourselves that if this match happens it will be in God's timing and it is not something that we can force. I came across this verse today in my bible reading and it is a comfort to me as we wait.
"Now to him who is able to do FAR MORE ABUNDANTLY than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
A bit more on this emotional rollercoaster...
We spoke with our adoption agency last week and told them that we are not yet confident about adopting from China. We asked them if there is any other country that would be a good match for us. We found out that our agency just started working with Uganda in January and that if we decide to pursue that option we'll be the second family on the list. We would receive a referral in about 8 months and would go to pick up our child about two months after that. Picking up the child is the hard part. We would have to be in country for 2-6 weeks or make two shorter trips to Uganda. After receiving our child we would have to go back to our state of residency (texas) and spend a few weeks to a few months to get our child's birth certificate and passport. This would not be an easy adoption process but there is the potential for us to adopt an infant and the age of the child is our highest priority. We are still unsure if Patrick is even allowed to travel to Uganda so we are looking into that as well. Lots to figure out!
Friday, February 7, 2014
16. Give me one month?
For the past few months I have been volunteering at a group home for elementary aged children. At first I thought it was an orphanage but the children go home at the end of the day. It seems to be a place for kids whose parents can't afford to raise them but don't want to give them up. My friend Betsy and I searched all over Songtan trying to find this place and were unsuccessful until a little old Korean lady (ajima) walked us to a narrow opening between two houses. We thought it was pretty amazing that this place could be so close and yet so many people had no idea what we were talking about. We were later told that some people just pretend to not know about it because they don't want to acknowledge it.
Each week we bring books/ games/ or snacks and give a one hour English lesson. We usually have to bribe the children with chocolate to get them to participate (especially the boys). They are particulary fond of the game hangman. Interesting side note: half of the children are African - Korean and since there really aren't any people of African decent living in Korea other than Airmen from the base we assume they had some involvement. I was telling a Korean friend about this place and she told me that racism is a big problem in Korea. Just as in America it has taken many years of fighting for equality, the Koreans are just now encountering having different races in their country and have not yet embraced it. These children will certainly be up against more challenges in their lifetime than their peers due to racism and poverty.
Ok, back to my story. This past week I went to the group home alone because Betsy could not make it. Each week I have brought my 'Letter to a Birth Mother' with me but not shared it because it just didn't feel right at the time. I didn't want Pastor Jeon to think that was the only reason I was volunteering there. I didn't want him to think I was trying to take advantage of his time or connections. This week felt different so I hesitantly showed him the letter at the end of class.
He read the letter and proceeded to spend the next 45 minutes making phone calls and trying to understand the legality behind my request. He did not understand why we couldn't just use an agency. After time, he realized that American agencies will not work with us while we are living abroad and Korean agencies won't work with us because we are American. At the end of his phone calls and questions he looked me in the eye and said, "OK, give me one month. (pause) Give me one month....to find."
My heart and brain were instantly racing. One month to find.... a baby? Or one month to TRY and find? One month to find out what I'm asking for? ONE MONTH TO FIND WHAT???
The next day I talked to M**** because I knew he had called her to clarify things but couldn't keep up with the Korean conversation they were having. She said he was concerned about the legality but understands now and seemed to have some personal connections he was going to contact on our behalf. I emailed Pastor Jeon the English and Korean versions of our letter just in case he wanted to show them to anyone electronically and so that he could read them in English in case something had gotten lost in translation.
We haven't heard anything but I am so eager to go back next Wednesday and see if he has anything to share with me. :) I felt a little bit stronger leaving that day and a bit more hopeful as well.
Each week we bring books/ games/ or snacks and give a one hour English lesson. We usually have to bribe the children with chocolate to get them to participate (especially the boys). They are particulary fond of the game hangman. Interesting side note: half of the children are African - Korean and since there really aren't any people of African decent living in Korea other than Airmen from the base we assume they had some involvement. I was telling a Korean friend about this place and she told me that racism is a big problem in Korea. Just as in America it has taken many years of fighting for equality, the Koreans are just now encountering having different races in their country and have not yet embraced it. These children will certainly be up against more challenges in their lifetime than their peers due to racism and poverty.
Ok, back to my story. This past week I went to the group home alone because Betsy could not make it. Each week I have brought my 'Letter to a Birth Mother' with me but not shared it because it just didn't feel right at the time. I didn't want Pastor Jeon to think that was the only reason I was volunteering there. I didn't want him to think I was trying to take advantage of his time or connections. This week felt different so I hesitantly showed him the letter at the end of class.
He read the letter and proceeded to spend the next 45 minutes making phone calls and trying to understand the legality behind my request. He did not understand why we couldn't just use an agency. After time, he realized that American agencies will not work with us while we are living abroad and Korean agencies won't work with us because we are American. At the end of his phone calls and questions he looked me in the eye and said, "OK, give me one month. (pause) Give me one month....to find."
My heart and brain were instantly racing. One month to find.... a baby? Or one month to TRY and find? One month to find out what I'm asking for? ONE MONTH TO FIND WHAT???
The next day I talked to M**** because I knew he had called her to clarify things but couldn't keep up with the Korean conversation they were having. She said he was concerned about the legality but understands now and seemed to have some personal connections he was going to contact on our behalf. I emailed Pastor Jeon the English and Korean versions of our letter just in case he wanted to show them to anyone electronically and so that he could read them in English in case something had gotten lost in translation.
We haven't heard anything but I am so eager to go back next Wednesday and see if he has anything to share with me. :) I felt a little bit stronger leaving that day and a bit more hopeful as well.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
15. Visit to the Baby Box
Back in November I posted about the amazing work Pastor Lee is doing at the Baby Box in Seoul. If you don't know what I am talking about, watch this video: http://youtu.be/VwV9w5pd9go
I had the privilege of going to visit the baby box mid January. I went with my friend and neighbor Kristy and her two kids. We were unsure of what to expect or what we would do once we got there so we told them we were bringing lunch and loaded up on donations to take with us. We figured it had to go well if we were bringing clothes and food, right? ;) As we approached the baby box, I thought there was no way it could be nearby. It was on a steep hill and in a very unassuming part of town. I had pictured it like a beacon on a hill but no, it was tucked back like a little haven and you wouldn't know it was there...unless you knew it was there.
The steps leading up the baby box are at the far left of this picture.
The steps where lives are changed.
The humble little box that has saved hundreds of lives.
When we arrived we rang the doorbell and the front gate unlocked. No one was there to greet us so we slowly made our way upstairs looking for someone. We found three social workers with about 6-10 kids ranging in ages from 4-20. All were handicapped, some more severe than others. We did our introductions and broke out the homemade tortilla soup. It was a big hit and we all sat on the heated floors and enjoyed a meal together. It was funny to see kids be kids as they fought over who had more and what color spoons they wanted. Very soon after eating the social workers all left and we found ourselves alone with 6 kids for several hours. Luckily, we had brought toys with us and we made up ways to entertain ourselves. The two youngest girls loved playing, "leave the room and lock everyone in it." Kristy and I kept looking at each other saying, "This would NEVER happen in the US." Complete strangers being left alone with kids, and kids with severe special needs! We were equipped with only the love in our hearts and a few donated toys. I had never been more grateful for donated toys! They helped break down the barriers of communication. We realized that the way we were helping was by giving the regular workers a break that they really needed.
We are now collecting more donations and hope to make our way back to the Baby Box soon. Here are a few photos from our trip.
She didn't want to share her picture. ;)
Watching herself stick her tongue out on my camera provided a LOT of entertainment. There weren't any mirrors in this place so I don't think the kids get to see themselves often.
He was quite happy with a new hat, trucks, and his very own chair.
He didn't care that his hat was purple and girly because it was his.
This woman is a saint.
Before we left, I gave the main care worker our Letter to a Birth Mother just in case she happens to come across any birth mothers who are willing to consider that option. She remembered me because M**** had sent our letter to them two months prior. She gave me a handout of an interview she had done that had been translated into English. The handout described how they often bring young mothers in and counsel them. They seem to be doing more counseling these days of the young mothers and they are able to get most to register their babies which makes them eligible for adoption one day. :)
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
14. Home Study and Options
This weekend Patrick and I completed our Home Study visit. The Home Study consisted of two days worth of training and interviews. Our caseworker, Monica, was really nice and we had a lot in common with her so the process was more relaxed than we had anticipated. Some of our interviews were completed while we made pizza together.
We have three options for adoption at this time. The first is U.S. domestic adoption. We have been placed on the list with Small World Adoption but they have made it clear that birthmothers almost never chose families who live overseas. U.S. domestic adoption is also the most risky choice because 3 out of 4 birthmothers end up changing their mind after they have the baby. They told us to expect to lose 3 of our matches before we actually come home with a child. The nice part about this path is that you end up with an infant. After all we learned this weekend about attachment issues, coming home with a child as young as possible is really important to us.
The second option is China Special Needs adoption. Small World works directly with some orphanages in China and has access to a "kids with special needs" list that comes out every 6 weeks. We were able to fill out a form siting which needs we were willing to take in. That was the worst piece of paper I have ever had to fill out because A) you imagine your child having every possible disability and B) it is tough to turn a child away because you would never say no to the needs of a child you had biologically. Most of these children have minor correctable special needs like a heart murmur, webbed feet, or even a food allergy. Patrick is pretty excited about the possibility of having a child with webbed feet! The plus sides to this program are that China is close geographically
(cheaper/easier flights), our agency has a good reputation with them, and the program has been stable for many years. Once the paperwork is started families usually have their child home within a year. However, it is rare/seemingly impossible to come home with an infant and the youngest we would be able to adopt would be a child around 2 years old. We are both undecided on whether to pursue this avenue so we are just continuing on with the paperwork and will need to make a decision about a month from now.
The third option is a private Korean adoption. This option really would have to choose us rather than us seeking after it. As you know, we have a letter out to many social and political figures around Korea (we updated it an added pictures today). This week the letter went out to a very popular band's blog page and next week our photo and letter will be put into a local paper. Today, we went to the U.S. embassy in Seoul to talk face to face with someone in the Citizen Services department. With all the technology out there it is amazing how much more information you can get from just talking face to face with someone! We are fairly confident that we can find a Korean lawyer and judge to sign off on a adoption on the Korean side but we weren't sure how we would get U.S. citizenship for a child. Currently, the law states that you must have the child residing in your home for 2 years before you can apply for citizenship. Since we only have 1.5 years left in country that poses a big problem. We found out today two bits of good news:
1. Although Korea is set to join the Hague Convention(banning private adoption) in July of 2014 they will have about a 2 year transition period before the law will be enforced so we have more time to complete an adoption than we thought!
2. There is a special "humanitarian parole" you can file for to get your child into the U.S. but it is a case by case basis and there is no guarantee that we would be granted one. The man we spoke with at the embassy gave us his direct email address and will be sending us the list of credentials used to grant humanitarian parole. We are praying there is some sort of military clause in there.
Side note about the trip to the Embassy- our appointment was made to let us into the wrong side of the embassy and we were told "too bad, make another appointment and come back." We were a bit defeated but a few phone calls later we talked to a very helpful lady that got us cleared to come in and speak with Citizen Services. The Embassy is heavily guarded so it was pretty special that we were able to get in and didn't have to make another trip to Seoul.
We are both excited to see the ball rolling and are requesting your prayers as we seek some guidance in what type of adoption to pursue for our family. There is more involved than we ever anticipated but we are hopeful.
We have three options for adoption at this time. The first is U.S. domestic adoption. We have been placed on the list with Small World Adoption but they have made it clear that birthmothers almost never chose families who live overseas. U.S. domestic adoption is also the most risky choice because 3 out of 4 birthmothers end up changing their mind after they have the baby. They told us to expect to lose 3 of our matches before we actually come home with a child. The nice part about this path is that you end up with an infant. After all we learned this weekend about attachment issues, coming home with a child as young as possible is really important to us.
The second option is China Special Needs adoption. Small World works directly with some orphanages in China and has access to a "kids with special needs" list that comes out every 6 weeks. We were able to fill out a form siting which needs we were willing to take in. That was the worst piece of paper I have ever had to fill out because A) you imagine your child having every possible disability and B) it is tough to turn a child away because you would never say no to the needs of a child you had biologically. Most of these children have minor correctable special needs like a heart murmur, webbed feet, or even a food allergy. Patrick is pretty excited about the possibility of having a child with webbed feet! The plus sides to this program are that China is close geographically
(cheaper/easier flights), our agency has a good reputation with them, and the program has been stable for many years. Once the paperwork is started families usually have their child home within a year. However, it is rare/seemingly impossible to come home with an infant and the youngest we would be able to adopt would be a child around 2 years old. We are both undecided on whether to pursue this avenue so we are just continuing on with the paperwork and will need to make a decision about a month from now.
The third option is a private Korean adoption. This option really would have to choose us rather than us seeking after it. As you know, we have a letter out to many social and political figures around Korea (we updated it an added pictures today). This week the letter went out to a very popular band's blog page and next week our photo and letter will be put into a local paper. Today, we went to the U.S. embassy in Seoul to talk face to face with someone in the Citizen Services department. With all the technology out there it is amazing how much more information you can get from just talking face to face with someone! We are fairly confident that we can find a Korean lawyer and judge to sign off on a adoption on the Korean side but we weren't sure how we would get U.S. citizenship for a child. Currently, the law states that you must have the child residing in your home for 2 years before you can apply for citizenship. Since we only have 1.5 years left in country that poses a big problem. We found out today two bits of good news:
1. Although Korea is set to join the Hague Convention(banning private adoption) in July of 2014 they will have about a 2 year transition period before the law will be enforced so we have more time to complete an adoption than we thought!
2. There is a special "humanitarian parole" you can file for to get your child into the U.S. but it is a case by case basis and there is no guarantee that we would be granted one. The man we spoke with at the embassy gave us his direct email address and will be sending us the list of credentials used to grant humanitarian parole. We are praying there is some sort of military clause in there.
Side note about the trip to the Embassy- our appointment was made to let us into the wrong side of the embassy and we were told "too bad, make another appointment and come back." We were a bit defeated but a few phone calls later we talked to a very helpful lady that got us cleared to come in and speak with Citizen Services. The Embassy is heavily guarded so it was pretty special that we were able to get in and didn't have to make another trip to Seoul.
We are both excited to see the ball rolling and are requesting your prayers as we seek some guidance in what type of adoption to pursue for our family. There is more involved than we ever anticipated but we are hopeful.
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